Marriage is a Gift from God
Marriage is an awesome gift from God. Two people, a man and a woman, become one for their mutual joy, help, pleasure and, when they and God will, the gift of children.
In the Bible, only marriage comes the closest to expressing the intimate relationship between a loving God and God's beloved people...and Jesus Christ (the Groom) and his bride(the Church). Jesus frequently uses the festivities of marriage to describe the joy we will have when God's kingdom finally comes in all its fullness. The unbreakable bond of love and forgiveness we have in Jesus is a crucial resource for daily life given to couples as they approach the Lord of Life in marriage. It gives them faith, hope and love.
At Emmanuel, we strive to approach marriage in a way that opens and reveals this great gift.
Start with the Pastor
You should contact the Pastor immediately upon your decision to marry so that the Pastor can share in your joy, guide you through the premarital process, and help you select a mutually agreeable time and date. A minimum notice of six months should be given to allow adequate time for preparation.
A couple should plan on the following: (1) one initial meeting so that the pastor can become acquainted with the couple, assess their situation, lay out the pre-marriage process, and answer initial questions, (2) at least three sessions with the pastor to explore the couple's relationship, and (3) at least one meeting to plan the wedding ceremony in a what that includes both the couple's interests and needs and our faith in Jesus Christ and our Christian convictions about God and marriage.
The exploration of the couple's relationship (#2 above) is done with the help of a process called Prepare. This program includes an initial inventory and a series of relationship strengthening conversations—some of which are guided by the pastor and some of which are done at home. This is very different from the so-called compatibility surveys you see online. The cost for Prepare is $35.
As for the marriage ceremony itself, we use the order for marriage in our core worship resource, Evangelical Lutheran Worship. This service is Christ-centered, Biblical, and very ecumenical, which means that it will be familiar and hospitable to Christians of almost every church body. This order has enough variations that it should be adaptable to almost any situation.
Major Considerations
Holy Communion: The Sacrament of Holy Communion gives witness to God's steadfast love for us in Jesus Christ and the couple's hunger for the gifts that come from Christ alone. Holy Communion may be included if both the bride and groom have been admitted to the Sacrament of Holy Communion and if inclusion of Holy Communion is consonant with the couple's own personal practice and convictions.
Music: Since a wedding service is a worship service, the same standards used for selecting music for Sunday worship apply also to weddings. All music selected should reflect the praise of God, God's love for us in Christ, and the asking of God's presence and blessing. The “Wedding March” from Lohengrin by Wagner and many popular, but secular, love songs are not permitted. Christian vocal music and/or hymns may be included at various places before and during the ceremony. All music must be approved in advance by the Pastor. Any music chosen should be within the ability of the performers at hand to play or sing with assurance.
Organist & Musicians: It is the couple's responsibility to arrange for an organist and/or any other vocalists and musicians. Of course, we recommend to you our own two church musicians. Please contact the Pastor or the church office to get our musicians' current phone numbers.
Guests & the Worship Folder: Your guests come, not just to be spectators, but to participants in your marriage, too. They form a “community of friends” who offer thanks to God, serve as witnesses, and assist the couple by their own continuing support and love. To help your guests participate as fully as possible, a printed worship folder is prepared, which outlines the service in its entirety and invites the congregation's involvement and response. We can prepare and print it for you at a reasonable cost. Couples may seek out and provide their own cover or use one of ours in stock.
Children: Children are welcome to come and participate. A special set of vows can be included when children from a previous marriage or relationship are involved—for they are part of this new family, too. Children under age four should not be chosen as flower-girls or ring-bearers, for this can be very difficult and threatening to younger children and can in certain situations boarder on abuse—forcing a young child into a traumatic situation only to satisfy an adult wish or goal.
Marriage License: A valid marriage license from the State of Ohio must be presented and given to the Pastor at least two days before the rehearsal. The Pastor will return to you your copy for the marriage license with the pastor's signature and a certificate of marriage from the church immediately after the wedding. These documents should then be put in a safe place. The Pastor is responsible for returning the State's copy to the county courthouse.
Other Things to Know
Holy Week: Out of reverence for the solemn time of year when we proclaim Christ's journey to the cross, weddings are not scheduled during Holy Week.
Fees: All fees (including those for the church organist) are due at the time of the rehearsal.
Rehearsal: Normally a rehearsal is held a day or two before the wedding. Everyone in the wedding party along with parents, ushers, and readers should be present. Unless there is some special need, the church organist is not present. However, any musicians which you provide should come so that they can coordinate the music to your movements.
Photography: No photography is permitted during the wedding ceremony except by your designated photographer. Your designated photographer can take available light pictures only (no flash!) from the rear of the church or from the side but not the front. Your designated photographer may take flash pictures of you coming in and going out. We strongly urge you to take all the formal pictures of the wedding party in the worship area before the wedding to allow you to have maximum time with your guests. It will give you something to do, it will help to relax you, and you and your clothes will look the freshest.
Videography: Video cameras may be used as long as video lights are not used. Consult with the Pastor to determine what camera placements are permitted. We strongly suggest you use a tripod.
Candles: Two lit seven-branched candelabras will be present in the chancel for every wedding. The two Eucharistic candles on the altar itself will be lit only if Holy Communion is included. Aisle candles are an option available through the church at a modest cost, but should be chosen only for non-summer, evening weddings.
Unity Candle: Although technically not a part of the traditional service, some couples choose to include a “unity candle.” It is the responsibility of the couple to provide the “unity candle” and the additional candles needed to light it. Usually parents (or just the mothers) light the two smaller candles just before they are seated since they are the ones who bore the bride and groom into the world.
Flowers: The couple is responsible for ordering and providing all flowers for the wedding. Two arrangements of a suitable size may be put on stands behind the altar. Additional arrangements may be used to adorn the chancel.
Bows: Ribbon bows may be placed on the ends of the pews provided that no tape, tacks or nails are used (since they mar the wood or damage the finish). Usually it works quite well to attach the bows with fine wire to the brown metal candle holders at the end of every other pew.
Runners: A runner is not necessary since the church is carpeted (they made sense when churches had wood floors). In fact, they can be something of a nuisance since they are difficult to roll out straight, slippery on carpeting, and create a distracting white “tab” in the bottom of pictures which most photographers find distasteful. We strongly suggest you omit the runner.
Rice, petals, seeds et. al.: The throwing of anything (rice, confetti, bird-seed, flower petals, potpourri etc.) is not permitted in the church building. Since our faith tells us that the gift of children comes from God as God wishes and desires, the pagan practice of throwing rice (or seed) to enhance the couple's fertility is not appropriate at a Christian wedding and is, therefore, strongly discouraged. Christians throw prayers to God instead, which is definitely much more effective!
Bride's Room: The bride and her party may use Room One on the upper northwest end of the education wing in order to get dressed and make their preparations. It has a full-length mirror and there is a restroom immediately next door.